When reporting controversies left a student journalist isolated on campus
'I don't like giving up': How an Indiana freshman news editor navigated backlash after controversial stories
As a freshman and newly appointed news editor of her student newspaper, Aynslee Dellacca was tasked with covering the fallout after her school reversed its decision to consider transgender applicants.
Her reporting put her at odds with her community at Saint Mary's College, the University of Notre Dame and Holy Cross College — three Catholic institutions — as she described the policy discussions as being “very hush-hush.”
The backlash came swiftly: Angry messages from friends and faculty, both in person and online, questioning why she had to cover the issue.
“When it was brought up to light again, people were upset that it was put in such a public view,” said Dellacca, assistant managing editor of The Observer. “What I think a lot of people were refusing to see, though, was that it was already very public and already much in view and it was just something that people didn’t want to face or talk about.”
Dellacca stood by her reporting, but the experience left her feeling isolated from her campus community in a way she never expected as a student journalist.
She described enduring “a series of pretty dark and emotional nights,” questioning whether she was good enough for her position.
Her doubts grew as she struggled to run the news section alone — without an associate news editor and after losing her only news writer.
Dellacca’s experience wasn’t unique. Harassment is a reality for journalists, both professional and student, with university officials being the most common source of intimidation for journalism students, according to a study.
Leaders within the student journalism space have also said mental health is the No. 1 challenge facing student journalists, calling for urgent reforms to support them.
About a year after stepping into the news editor role, Dellacca sat down with The Nutgraf to reflect on what she went through, how she overcame the challenges and how she plans to support the next generation of student journalists as she moves into a higher leadership role.
“I don’t like giving up,” Dellacca said when asked what pushed her to keep going.
Her responses were edited for length, flow and clarity.
How did being a news editor challenge your mental health?
Taking on the editor position my freshman year was not something I ever imagined myself doing. I thought it would go to someone else. I didn’t think I was the most qualified.
When my editor-in-chief encouraged me to apply, I was surprised when I got the position. I doubted whether I deserved it, and there were a lot of external circumstances that made me question if I was the right candidate.
There was a point, in which I felt like I wasn’t trained enough or that I wasn’t sure what I was doing. And then inheriting a department with no staff members after they all had quit because of these external circumstances, I really wasn’t sure what to do or how to lead.
I felt very alone. I felt like no one understood. I felt like I was doing something wrong, like there was something wrong with me personally. I just couldn’t understand why.
I eventually reached a really low point and decided to reach out to some of my spiritual guidance leaders on campus. I’m Roman Catholic, and my faith is something I hold close, so I turned to spiritual directors. We have a chaplain here, Pastor Carrie Badertscher. She was wonderful and helped me walk through a lot of it.
Through prayer and self-reflection, I realized this was something I had to work through. It wasn’t my fault. And I think once you recognize that the place you’re in or the anxiety you’re feeling is not only not your fault, but also self-induced, you can start opening yourself up to more support and help.
Did you ever consider stepping down from the role? If so, what made you stay?
I don’t like giving up. I don’t necessarily see it as a sign of weakness, but I view it as a sign of letting go.
Journalism was something I worked so hard for. I was in journalism all through high school. I was an editor for three years in various roles on my high school paper. Becoming a college editor was kind of a dream of mine. It felt like I had finally achieved something I had been working toward for so long. But once I got there, it wasn’t the way I had imagined it would be.
Talking to people like my dad, who was incredibly helpful through this process, my friends, and Pastor Carrie, I realized that just because it wasn’t exactly what I imagined doesn’t mean that I should give up or walk away from it.
I also felt a deep loyalty to The Observer. At that point, I had only been in the role for a year, but the community I had found, the friends I had made and the hundreds of hours I had already put into it mattered to me. I didn’t want to let the department die.
I didn’t want St. Mary’s news to die. I wanted it to thrive. I wanted to challenge myself, push myself and prove that I deserved the position I was awarded.
Investigative work can be emotionally draining. Did you have any coping mechanisms or a support system that helped you get through tough times?
When I was doing a lot of these investigations and dealing with the backlash, I did feel pretty alone in my community when I was starting.
The two stories I wrote, one about the Loretto Trust and another about the concerned supporters conference, caused a lot of upheaval in my community. It was something that was very hush-hush, something that people don’t want to talk about.
So when it was brought up to light again, people were upset that it was put in such a public view. What I think a lot of people were refusing to see was that it was already very public and already very much in view. It was just something that people didn’t want to face or talk about.
As I faced the backlash, I had a lot of angry friends and faculty confronting me, both in person and online, asking why I would write about these things, why I was bringing them up again.
I had to remind myself that it was journalistic integrity and that it was my responsibility to report on the history of St. Mary’s, of what was going on and give those minorities a voice, especially the people concerned about the admissions removal.
But I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew it was going to be hard. But I also knew it was important to cover sand important to give that minority side a voice.
How do you balance your roles as both a student, part of the college community, and a journalist responsible for highlighting issues and pursuing the truth?
Absolutely. My biggest priority was keeping my social life and my reporting life separate. I would confide in some of my friends about how I was feeling or what was going on, but for the most part, I kept them out of it. The people I turned to the most were my fellow Observer editors.
I focused on being two different people depending on the situation. When I was reporting on events or working on investigations, I made it clear that I was there as a journalist, not as a friend. Maybe that wasn’t always the right approach, but it was how I managed things.
And when I was with friends, I made sure I was present, having fun and not constantly bringing up The Observer or my work—because that could lead to divisive or controversial topics to come up.
As for coping mechanisms, I journal a lot. Writing has always been the best way for me to process my feelings. Sometimes, just talking through things with myself on paper helped me work through them on my own.
What advice would you give to other student journalists who might be struggling with the personal impacts of their reporting?
It gets better. That’s something so cliché to say but it does. Things are difficult. You have to look to other editors, to other staff members for support.
Without them, you’re not going to get through it, and that was something that I had to learn: How to ask for help and be OK with not having all the answers. That was probably the toughest part.
When you go to people for help, when you recognize that you don’t have to do everything and you don’t have to hold everything on your own and you can share it with others — it takes the weight off of you. It also builds the support system you need.
I would also say to hold onto your journalistic integrity. Recognize that just because what you’re reporting on is controversial, whether or not you personally agree with it, or whether your community agrees with it, it’s still a voice. It’s still a perspective that deserves to be heard.
If you could go back to the moment when you became the news editor, what advice would you give yourself?
I don’t think I would have believed myself, but I would have told myself that I wasn’t really alone and that things were going to get better. I would have said that I was going to develop an amazing department by the end of my tenure.
I’m at the end of my tenure at this point. I’ll be taking on assistant managing editor next week. And the young woman who is going to be taking my place, she’s going to do such an amazing job. I’m so incredibly proud of her.
I would tell her it’s not going to just be you anymore. You’re not going to be alone.
How do you hope to support the next generation of student journalists in your new role? Are you looking to build a support system that lasts beyond your college years?
The biggest thing that I’m going to be focusing on as an assistant managing editor will be on greater tri-campus representation.
The Observer serves Saint Mary’s College, the University of Notre Dame and Holy Cross College, but because our newsroom is based on Notre Dame’s campus, it can be harder for Saint Mary’s students to access the same resources or feel as connected.
One of my priorities is to bridge that gap—finding better ways to support Saint Mary’s writers, whether through transportation, resources or simply reinforcing that they belong.
I’m also going to be focusing more on writing skills in general — developing writing and reporting skills and how to be a better journalist. A big part of that will be supporting our new news editor, who’s stepping into this leadership role as a freshman.
Most of our news department is made up of first-year students, so ensuring they grow in their reporting and writing skills, feel supported and stay connected to the broader journalism community. And to continue that community of sisterhood that we kind of have going on.
💬 I want to hear from you! How do you navigate a mental health toll that comes with being a journalist? Do you think J-Schools should do more to prepare students for that? Email me at nutgrafnews@gmail.com.
Story Spotlight:
🏈 A former editor-in-chief of Oregon State University’s The Daily Barometer reflected on being a sports journalist during the COVID-19 time without any sports to cover. She didn’t think about how to get the most views; she thought about the people that come with sports.
🪧 The Heights reported Boston College’s new speech restrictions include a policy that requires students to submit protest speeches, chants, flyers, timelines and names of event organizers and speakers for prior approval.
🏫 Journalism school needs to do more to prepare students for the hard parts. A labor focus in journalism education, two professors argued, can inoculate students to better face uncertain futures, Nieman Lab reported.
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